The Bachelor: Too Much Tierra!

Welcome to week 4 of our journey to love! What kind of wacky hijinx will we see this week? Well, we start off, as always, with a date. Sean has picked Selma and picks her up in a limo. Then he kicks it up a notch by taking her to their private jet. Helicopters are so 2012! They ride in what looks like a super comfortable manor (for Sean).  Selma is essentially slithering into Sean. She will fit right in where they are going….

This is how I always sit.

Which is the desert! Apparently it is very hot. I have always wanted to go to Joshua tree but Selma says she is disappointed. Is she though? Sean keeps saying he wanted to surprise her and take this “glamorous girl” out of her element. I mean, did she think they were taking a plane to Saks 5th Ave? Because she is the first girl not wearing a cocktail dress and heels, so I assume someone advised her on her outfit. That may have been a clue!

Anyway, it doesnt make Sean sound like such a gentleman when he talks about testing Selma. Why not just go on a date and get to know someone? Why does there always have to be an obstacle (for the woman) to overcome? She is scared of heights, not athletic, and gets sick in the heat. So let’s go rock climbing in the desert!

Sean lets Selma climb up first. And then we see why.

Sean enjoys the view at Joshua tree

She is really small so she is able to scurry up the rock and she makes it look pretty easy. i guess the ropes would catch her if she slipped, so it’s probably not that scary, right? Anyways, they get to the stop, stand there for 10 seconds, and then I am curious if they have to climb back down but they dont show us.

Instead, they go to dinner at a trailer park. It’s cute but odd. There are 3 RVs and they peak inside them but then sit outside. What was the point of the RVs, I wonder. They drink wine (but not out of those Mason jars with stems wine glasses, which would have been very appropriate!) and Sean brings up his go to topic of family. Im curious what he will talk about on a second date. Selma is Iraqi and her family is very strict. I wonder how they feel about blonde Texans.

You take my daughter to a trailer park!?

Selma wont kiss him on tv because her parents are strict. I mean, she is 29, and she is on this show, but  she says she wont kiss him until she’s the only one left. I dont see that working out. Anyhow, they, surprise! like each a lot. She gets the rose. OOOh, but he says will you accept “my rose.” Freudian slip? He usually says “this rose.”

Group date time! All the girls speculate on what theyre going to do and of course none of them know. It turns out to be the worst thing ever! Something I would never in a million years want to do and would probably quit the show. Why do you have to be aggressive to “win” Sean. Yuck. Oh yeah, they are doing roller derby. The girls all fall down, and it makes my tail bone hurt just watching them. Another reason I would never do roller derby.

Goin down!

I’m not clumsy!

Sarah is upset because she cant balance with one arm, nor can she get back up quickly. That’s a fair thing to be upset about, though she did tell Sean she wanted to be treated the same, so that’s probably why he invited her. Although all the girls are falling.

Amanda freaks the girls out by telling them she’s done this before, an admittedly smart move. They are all scared of her anyways, I’m sure. Meanwhile, Sean just stands around. Great date! Amanda falls and smacks her chin.

So much for lying about how good I am….

Sean is worried and concerned. Well, are you surprised?? Gee, I thought they’d do roller derby and end up feeling like they just had a day at the spa. None of the others want to do this (except maybe Tierra?) and I wish Sean would just cancel it. And then he does! Good move Sean. I am back to somewhat liking you now.

FREE SKATE!? I was robbed.

They turn on cheesy music and skate around in ridiculous outfits. Much better. Sean then takes them to a rooftop bar to relax with pre-poured glasses of wine. Weird.

Well, speaking of weird…. WTF just happened to Tierra? All of a sudden she is upset and rambling incoherently. I mean really, she is just talking and talking, none of it seems to reference reality. She cant take it! She’s breaking down! It’s not fair! She wants to go home. (Then GO!) She squats outside a door waiting for Sean and tells him she doesnt like the environment. I think she’s just super immature, not that smart, aggressive, and bitchy. And probably doesnt have many female friends in real life. Just one of those girls. Maybe used to getting her way? I dont know, she’s a weirdo. She calls herself sensitive. I dont think so. I think it’s more like selfish. Jealous to the max? Sean reads all this insanity as her really liking him. He’s so dumb.

You’ve just been punked

In fact, he’s just proven himself to be as dumb as Ben, and GIVES TIERRA THE ROSE. Infurriating. What about wanting a level-headed, well-adjusted woman as a wife? Someone with the self-confidence to be strong in a hard situation? Maybe one that doesnt freak out and die of jealousy before she’s even had a one on one date with you? I would love to think she could never win, but men are dumb. (See: Vienna. See: Courtney). I hope young girls dont watch this and see this bad behavior being rewarded.

Just like those before her, Tierra has manipulated a rose. Yuck. I would quit this show so fast if that happened.

Ok, deep breath. Calming thoughts. Moving on to the next date, with Leslie. She gets diamond earrings and a ride in a fancy car and many comparisons to Pretty Woman are made.  He should have taken Selma since she wont kiss him, just like Julia Roberts when she was prostituting it up. Sean and Leslie actually do go to Rodeo Drive to shop. Hell yeah. Sorry Selma! She picks out a dress that I only like part of (sparkly part). The color looks good on her though.

This old rag?

She then goes to Neil Lane (official jeweler for the Bachelor) and gets to borrow a sorta ugly 120 carat diamond necklace. Sean has thankfully taken off his vest and put on a tux. They go eat dinner (or sit in front of some food) and he asks her a million questions, all the while I think knowing he is sending her home. He didnt feel a romantic connection. And we all know if you arent in love within 2 hours of being with someone, it will never work out. So, bye bye! Leslie is surprised. Then Sean listens to a band alone, while they do an acoustic version of that song Samantha and Richard dance to next to the roof top pool on Sex and the City. Dont know what it’s called, but it’s a great song!

The Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party is once again the Tierra Show. She complains about Robin to Amanda, saying she attacked her (dont recall that happening), and then goes and pretends to apologize. It makes no sense. She says she doesnt like “the heat” being on her. She claims to be strong and independent as well, but again, not seeing any evidence of that since you were in a corner crying to go home like two nights ago. Plus, Sean, RED FLAG if a girl tells you other girls dont like her. Also, another RED FLAG is if a girl says they dont like drama. It definitely means she does. Sean is so stupid around her!

At the Rose Ceremony Sean decides to get rid of Amanda of fractured jaw fame. She seems annoyed and embarrassed and rejected, but not exactly sad. I’d say give it a week and you’ll be fine!

I have to go back to being a fit model now… which isnt even a real thing!

Next week there are 2 episodes on, so I’ve got my work cut out for me. They travel somewhere snowy and, surprise! Tierra ends up hurt. Again. So sick of her!

What did you think?