April Book Club

Secrets to a Healthy Metabolism, by Maria Emmerich. Well, technically I haven’t finished this book, but I have gotten a little bit bored with it. It has a lot of really good information, I especially liked the part that explained the connections between your period, energy cycles, and metabolism. But it gets very repetitive overall. Basically, eat a lot of vegetables. Don’t eat sugar. There, now you don’t have to read the book. Because it’s other problem is that it was self-published and edited by the husband…who would have failed all my English 111 grammar exercises. I read it with red pen in hand and there were mistakes on every page. Not exaggerating!  So that was hard for me to read.

Swamplandia! by Karen Russel. I bought this book from the sale table at Anthropologie a while ago. The narrator is a 13 year old girl aligator wrestler whose mom has just died. There are a lot of sad parts in the book, but kind of a good sad, and I love the main character so much. The writing style is very quirky and unique and it kind of wraps you up in words, if that makes sense. I guess the author just did a really good job of creating a whole world for you to live in as you read it. The end was super suspenseful and tense, although the beginning started off more languid. Overall i really liked this book! Check it out.

11/22/63 by Stephen King. On mom and aunt Kiki’s recommendation I checked this book out from the library. And was surprised to see that it was over 800 pages! However, the writing wasn’t dense, and the margins were wide, so it really didnt take long to get through. Plus, I really wanted to find out what happened, so I read it pretty fast. Since it’s Stephen King, you know he’s good at suspense and keeping things going forward (or backward, since it’s about time travel). But, it is NOT a horror novel. Of course there are some creepy moments, but it’s not a scary book. I thought it was actually extremely realistic in terms of what could actually happen if someone found a time travel hole in their diner. I liked the way King showed us the various outcomes the occurred when one or two things in the past were changed. So if you want a page turner for the beach this summer, get this one!

 

I didn’t read as much in April for some reason, but now I don’t remember why. Reading a good one right now, so I’ll report back on that in my May posting. What are you reading right now? Is it good?

Saturday

Saturday I spent the day alone while Aaron traveled to Illinois to retrieve his car (finally). I decided to indulge my whims and do whatever I wanted! Admittedly, this is not as wild as it sounds. Since I had to drive downtown to drop Aaron at the bus stop, I took advantage of being down there and stopped in at Crimson Tate. I needed more blue fabric for a quilt back I’m working on as a commission (it’s turning out great, btw). Found some good blues, and also, for me, this awesome teal moon, stars, and clouds print, and these cute (very soft) lobsters for 2 baby quilts I’m making. I think I did a good job of not buying too much. Then I headed north and went French Seam for some fabric for backs of baby quilts. Those three should all be done in the next week or so, and I’m liking how they are all turning out.

I spent the afternoon sewing, cutting, reading, and just hanging out. I guess I should have cleaned or packed but I was having too much fun. Considered running (even put on a sports bra) but it didn’t happen. I got a craving for shrimp and cheese grits (not sure why I got that craving, because I’ve never actually had that before) but it sounded really good. So I went to Whole Foods for some shrimp (and a slice of cake) and came home and cooked them up. It turned out really yummy. I used a Bobby Flay recipe. And also had some prosecco. Here’s a really bad, dark pic.

It was nice to have a day to myself and just do whatever I felt like. But then I got a little sad because pretty soon all of my days will be all to myself. It’s ok, I guess, but it is a hard transition right now, and I go back and forth on feeling ok and feeling really sad. Been looking for apartments online. Found a cool one with a loft I think I’ll try to go look at tomorrow. It’s reasonably priced. I didnt really want to sign a year lease, but it’s hard to find anything else. Everything just feels so weird and up in the air right now, and once again I have no idea what I’ll be doing 5 months from now. In a way it’s a good, liberating feeling, and in a way it’s scary. I bought Shambala Sun this month (a Buddhist publication I used to read more often) and the issue was all about change and impermanence and not getting attached to things. It was a good reminder.

Also, I’m preparing for a garage sale this weekend, and I’ve been in a particularly unattached mood lately, wanting to get rid of most of my things and start fresh. I feel like I have too many belongings, and it’s all starting to feel very heavy. Like, I have a two story house of just my stuff, and it’s weighing me down and, I think maybe, keeping me from moving forward. Maybe it’s weird, but this is why I never wanted a couch before… it seemed to represent some weird permanence, or trouble just going. I was lulled into a sense of security with Aaron, so I got a couch, and now once again I am wishing I didn’t have it. Not literally though. I like my couch! And actually, this one breaks down into many pieces, so it’s actually pretty transportable.

Alright, I suppose I’m babbling. Stay tuned for Bachelorette recap season! Starting soon!

Surreal Perception

I happened upon this video this evening and although it starts off a bit slow and is about ten minutes long, I think it is definitely worth watching. Its a clip from an old game show called “What’s My Line.” I guess contestants are blindfolded and basically play 20 questions to guess who is the star. The really interesting thing about this one is that the guest is Salvador Dali. Who we all know as an artist, more specifically a painter. We have defined him with a word. Except in Dali’s own mind, and granted it was probably quite an interesting place to be, he is much much more than that, in fact he answers “yes” to almost all of the queries, until the host has to step in and explain that although yes, he is on television, he is not known for that and yes, he writes, but he is not known as a writer, and yes, perhaps he does occasionally draw comic strips but don’t just narrow your guesses down to comic strip writers and I think that the problem was that Dali was being honest rather than playing the game. I would guess that most contestants know that the people doing the guesses see them as one thing, and so they answer accordingly. So, are you a writer, most artists may so no. But Dali also writes, apparently, and so he anwsers yes. Maybe we all see him as a painter first, and everything else he does takes a backseat to that, but perhaps that is not how he sees himself. Maybe all the many sides of him and many talents he possesses hold equal weight inside that wild mind of his. And that is why they can’t figure out who he is. Because he isnt defining himself in the same terms that they would.

The thing I really love about this clip is that Dali refuses to be defined by one word. He is multi-faceted, and maybe that confuses people, but that is not his concern. Yes, he is on tv. He writes, he’s published, he does comic strips– He’s Dali! Let’s all take on Dali’s attitude and not let other people’s descriptions of us define who we are.

Happy Tax Day

Happy?? Tax Day? Not so far. Well, I guess when I was still in school I usually got money back. Not for a while though. I’ve consistently owed hundreds (sometimes even thousands) of dollars to the government. This year I at least had a separate savings account for tax money, but it was abou $400 short.

It is hard to part with hard-earned money, but I am trying to think about it from a different angle. I do believe in government sponsored programs. In order for those to exist, taxes must exist. Social security– I don’t really get this tax. Does the money I pay in social security eventually become mine, when I’m older? Or is it like paying for Disability, for instance, where you are just paying a general pot for everyone? But then who gets it? Clearly I am not super informed….

But things like Education, Welfare, Roads Maintenance, Federal Employee stuff, I guess I should feel okay about paying taxes for these things because I believe in them. Sure, all government programs have problems, but I think that the government should be able to help people who need help. I do not believe that the majority of people on welfare abuse it. Even if you have to be on welfare for a long time it doesnt necessarily mean that it’s your fault. I guess ultimately this is a difference between seeing things in terms of the individual/society, or psychology/sociology, or even Republican/Democrat. I think our society places too much emphasis on what the individual has done or can do or should do, when there are plenty of studies out there that show that society plays a great role in determining a lot of our life components. Other countries get this, and that’s probably why they are okay with free/government health care. I think it’s going to take a long time for this to be accepted in America because of our history/focus on/obsession with the individual. And it has nothing to do with liberty and freedom. Would anyone argue that Swedes are not free because they use universal health care?

Well, I should probably just go sew right now, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that as a Democrat who believes in society and yes, big government, I need to be okay with paying taxes in order to fund the things I believe in. Republicans can figure out their own way to understand their tax payments… Although if we had a McCain or Romney in the White House right now I probably wouldn’t feel so good about it all.

Anyways, thanks for letting me get a little political up in here… More crafts coming soon Off to sew now.

(Image from here)

Super Sewing Saturday

Spent yesterday having lots of fun in the sewing world! It was really a great, energy-boosting day, and left me feeling very inspired.

Early afternoon was the Modern Quilt Guild meeting in Noblesville at a quilting shop I had never been to before. Yay! New fabric to look at! It’s called Always in Stiches. It was huge and they had a great selection. Lots of neat fabrics I’d never seen before, and a bunch of good solids too. The lady at the cutting counter informed me of problems with last years cotton crops, which are causing fabric prices to rise. I will have to research that. Interesting to learn though. The star quilt below is hanging in the store. I think it’s a pretty awesome use of solids, and I really want to learn how to make those little stars in the corners. Anyone know what they’re called?

The meeting itself was great too, lots of amazing projects during show and tell. I love seeing how other people have used the same fabric I’ve used in the past. I love seeing all the different skill levels and how at every level you can achieve something really cool. Seriously, I always love every show and tell thing at the meetings. Even if the colors arent something I’d normally use, I like seeing the work that went into something, or hearing the story behind a project. Plus I always get lots of ideas when I’m at the meetings. From color combos, to squares, to sizes. This week we also were taught how to do a block, and it was one I’ve had the tutorial for it (here) pinned on my Pinterest Quilts Board forever, but never got around to it. So, I’m planning on making a baby quilt I think in pinks and yellows, with a light, baby pink solid I bought yesterday as the center.

Also at the meeting, I won the “traveling stash box”! It’s a box people contribute fabric, patterns, thread, etc to, and then one person gets to take it home for the month, use whatever they want from it, and then bring it back with a few new items in it. I NEVER win things, ever. Have never won money on a scratch off. Never win raffles or contests. I think I won a clown pencil in first grade at the Fun Fair (literally the last time I won something!). So I was pretty pumped! Above is a picture of some of the cool stuff that was in the box. I’ve been wanting that bike fabric forever!

After the meeting I was driving home, feeling energized, and remembered that Saturday evening was also Open Sew at Crimson Tate. Basically you just bring your sewing machine and a project and hang out with other people who are sewing. I stopped at home, saw that Aaron was planning to just lay on the couch, and decided to head downtown. Crimson Tate is a great modern fabric shop downtown Indy on Mass Ave. It was so fun to work in a new space, which I’ve never done before. I loved how sunny it was in there, from the whole front wall being windows.  A very relaxing, spacious, and encouraging place to work. It was also great to see even more projects that people were working on.

I brought the green fabric for the rest of my Dresden Plates (the others are in a aqua color palate) and got the fabric ironed, cut, and 2 plates done. Just have to finish up the last 2 today. Something else I love about the Quilt Guild, and the Open Sew, is how generous others are with their praise for your work. Everyone is always excited to check out other projects, and there is never any weird jealousy or negative energy, really just sincere well wishes, and I think that’s really great. I know I’m a person who requires a fairly high amount of external feedback/praise–it acts as a great motivator to me, so I value it highly, and am grateful I found these spaces in Indy.

Being at Crimson Tate made me start daydreaming about one day having my own shop/studio. I am taking the Praxis test to get certified to teach English, but I’m really just doing it because it’s responsible and I feel like I should try to get a full-time, reliable job/income. But I am not exactly suited to be a teacher. I love teaching, sometimes. I prefer one-on-one, and I prefer teaching about things I really care about. I do think I have strengths as a teacher, like being able to explain things many ways, and be clear and concise. But at the same time, it’s not in my nature to stand in front of a class, with all eyes on me all day long. Having to always be “on.” It is exhausting. NOT the way I get energized. Which is why I’m not sure about teaching full time. We’ll see. I’ll take the test and go from  there.

But for now, I pledge to dedicate more time to sewing, and getting started on this ridiculously long list of projects I have! I even have the fabric for most of them! So, I’ll keep you updated on what I’m working on. My white star quilt is almost finished, just need to do the binding, so I’ll post more on that this week!

Hope everyone else is having a fun- and inspiration-filled weekend as well!

Giant Eyed Toys

While reading some posts on Peggy Orenstein’s blog, I started thinking about modern-day toys, and how messed up a lot of them are in terms of marketing with a heavy gender bias. Creating very narrow definitions of what girls can like and what boys can like. And then I started to notice another trend: Why do so many toys have such gigantic eyes nowadays?? What could the reason for this be? Is it a Manga influence? I kind of want to blame it on Bratz dolls, but what was the reason for their  big eyes? It certainly isnt wide-eyed innocence? I was reading a feminist blog while coming to the giant-eyes realization, so I am tempted to create some type of connection there, but I can’t quite think of one. So, it will remain a mystery. But please, observe.

I’ve created a little list of comparisons.

Take, for instance, My Little Ponies. I was never really that into these as a kid, but I remember that I liked how they felt kinda stocky and sturdy and smelled like some type of fruity-candy-plastic. And hey, they looked more or less like…. Ponies!

1980s My Little Pony:

Compare that to modern My Little Pony.Such giant eyes!  A lot less horse-like, and is it me or does the shape of the legs seem to suggest that she’s wearing….Ugg boots? Also, why does this horse have a human neck?

2010s My Little Pony:

__________________________________________________________

What about other animals? Let’s compare a great 80s toy, Pound Puppies, to a newer phenomenon, the Littlest Pet Shop. I loved my Pound Puppies (I had a small brown one, and it had just a really great, flat shape. It felt good.) And, their eyes were normal basset-hound sized eyes.

1980s Pound Puppies:

So why, in the millenium, are we creating mutant animals with ginormous eyes?

2010s Littlest Pet Shop:

_________________________________________________________

Another example comes from the dolls world. Now, Barbie’s eyes have never been exactly tiny, as you’ll see below (by the way, I had the two dresses on the left, and they were AWESOME–the stars on the pink one glowed in the dark!).

1980s Barbies:

But compare those eyes to Barbie’s modern-day competitor, Bratz Dolls.

2010s Bratz Dolls:

Eek! These dolls scare me. They look much too sassy. But then again, I guess sass is a large part of being a Brat(z).And once again, giant eyes set within a giant head. What does it all mean!?

__________________________________________________________

I have done some internet searching but can’t seem to find many theories on this new giant eyes phenomenon, so I’d love to hear thoughts! Personally I think these giant-eyed toys are  disturbing. Why, back in my day, eyes were created in relative proportion to a doll’s head!

 

The Bachelor: The Most Hideous Tank Top in Bachelor History Edition!

This week the Bachelor takes his six “perfect” women to Belize. I’d go there! But not with Ben. Becuase I would never go anywhere with a man in a tank top. Ewwww. I found a tank top in one of Aaron’s storage boxes once and I texted him to tell him we were over. He claimed it had never been worn….

I don't see the problem

Lindzi has the first one-on-one date this week. Courtney reads the word “halves” like this: “hafs.” Good job. Lindzi is excited and nervous but when Ben shows up in yet another tank top, I think all her hopes and dreams are crushed. Or maybe thats just me.

They get in a motorcycle and go to a place called “The Blue Hole.” Im not crazy about the name. Oh wait, did I say motorcycle? I meant….

Helicopter!

Ben really knows how to treat a lady like she’s one of a kind. Since Ben hasn’t jumped out of or into anything with Lindzi yet, he has no way of knowing if she really likes him. Lindzi is just sick of helicopters, so they jump out. What follows is waaaay to many cliches about leaps of faith, falling for one another, and so on. Boo. Lindzi, you’re better than this! She tells us she now knows she wants to get married and have kids. Seems weird that she didnt know that before coming on the show….

Ben and Lindzi sit on a dock and then talk to each other about taking the leap. Wow. They say this was such a great day… why? We didnt see any of it. They do make out a lot. Lindzi has a way of talking that kinda sounds like she’s always sarcastic and almost mocking the person she’s talking to without them realizing it. I like it! Then they write a story about their terrible leap of nothingness, put it into a bottle, and throw it into the bay, where it will probably wash ashore next time Ben and Courtney are skinny dipping.

I hope it makes it to America!

Ok, let’s move on. That was a terrible date. Nothing happened.

Emily’s date is next. She has to take a plane by herself to meet Ben. Weird. Courtney is hurt that Ben is going out with Emily even though Emily was mean to her… Um… that’s not quite how I remember things. Emily is getting her PhD at UNC, which Aaron tells me is a “public Ivy,” so she’s probably smart. Yet, she is also on this show, so I’m confused! They ride bikes in town, drink coconuts, play b-ball, and then “spontaneously” ask a guy to take them lobster fishing. Lobstering? Come on, that was planned! During their date we get waaaay too many flashes to Courtney interviews, pretending that she’ll go home if she doesnt get a one on one date. She doesnt like how Ben doesnt stand up for her. Maybe it’s because you’re worse than Emily??

The real reason they went lobstering? So they could say "you're a catch!"

Ben and Emily’s date was ok, looked fun.

Back at the mansion, much to everyone’s dismay, we find out that Courtney gets the one on one. She rubs it in everyone’s face, acting like this means Ben likes her more. And now we can’t call her bluff on going home. Darn! She also says “snap” multiple times as part of her reaction. What a weirdo!

So, Ben and Courtney go to the jungle and climb some ruins and talk repeatedly about human sacrifice. Don’t give us any ideas, Courtney. She says that Ben needs to step up his game with her because the spark is gone. That would be awesome, coming from anyone other than Courtney. But she sucks, so it’s super annoying. She tells Ben “it’s” (unclear pronoun referent) been harder on her than the other girls. Ok…. and he goes along with it. Ben’s such a tool. He reallllllly wants a model to like him, because he looks like a jerk and he knows it. And he has no personality. They are actually perfect together, so I hope she wins now, just to spare the other girls.

Love is an uphill batte

Actually, the cliche used this time is that every step they take is also another step in their relationship. Wow, that’s deep. Courtney tells Ben the spark is back. Haha. Way to freak him out by pretending you are over him, and then telling him you like him again. She’s a master.

Ben asks about her relationships with the other women in the house. OMG. She says shes tried so hard to get along with them, asked them questions, complimented them, but they dont like her! But then she kinda changes her story and says shes not interested in them, they’re all vanilla, and not women but girls. Well, which is it Courtney?? Wow, that was quite a story. She also basically says she doesnt need this show to find love (cuz shes a model)but she thinks the exposure it will bring her makes it worth it. Oh, no, she thinks “Ben” is worth it. Totally believable. She’s so annoying!

For the group date, Ben sneaks into the girls house and wakes them all up at 4am. Ooh, I’d be mad. They pretend like they’re happy. If a cro-magnon broke into my room and didnt leave me time to get ready, I’d be annoyed.

I hope the girls didnt accidentally cut themselves while in their rush to shave....

They all get dressed and follow Ben to the dock. Rachel opts to match Ben with grey and white stripes.

Jailbirds!

Ben reveals what they are doing today. He says overcoming fears is a huge part of a relationship. Who is Ben dating?? Serial killers? It is really not that scary. Anyway, they are shark diving! Some are very excited:

Or maybe it's the 5:00am champagne talking

Others, not so much:

"You bitch"

If Rachel is NOT scared of love, but IS scared of sharks, does that make her a better or worse match for Ben? That is your riddle for the day.

Why are women competing for a man who brings women to Shark Alley against their will? (I am just imagining Carrie on this date.) His advice is to punch them in the nose if they get aggressive. I dont know. That seems like it could turn into a mouth full of teeth pretty quickly. Seriously, this is the worst date ever. I dont have an active fear of sharks, but I wouldnt want to do this!! Yet, I still have the ability to fall in love. Weird how that works, isn’t it?

Grrrr. I just finished typing this, and then my computer erased the second half! Lame. Ok, well the group date is pretty boring, they swim with some sharks, Rachel conquers her fear, which seemed like she overcame it pretty quickly, but I guess if there was a ROSE on the line, who knows what I’d do. Pet a cat? I guess we’ll never find out. Or will we….

What's a cliche that rhymes with "shark"?

But alas, it is Kaci, and not Rachel who gets the rose. Ben says it’s because she “wore her heart on her sleeve” but Nikki also told him she was in love with him.Then, their date gets even more lame because they go back to their own villa to hang out with Ben, and Courtney spies from the balcony. Or at least they want us to think she did. They may be in Belize, but they are not pulling out the stops for dates this week.

At the Rose Ceremony we learn that there will be no cocktail party because Ben knows his decision. But he doesnt want to spend any extra time with these ladies, even the ones he likes. But look at all the fun he’s missing!

I'm confident!

Tyra Banks taught me this

Ben said he wanted a werido!

Here’s my theory on Courtney’s weirdo faces. Since she is a model she is used to exaggerating everything for the camera, and not only that, but getting praised for it as well. So she thinks these faces translate to real life, or maybe she sees the video cameras and gets confused. I don’t know, but I hope she is really embarrassed watching this.

Ben comes out to greet the ladies, and then says he wants to pull Courtney aside. But I thought he was super sure of his decision! He half-heartedly asks her some vague questions, and she answers him in a roundabout way. Apparently this is enough for Ben, and they go back to the ceremony hand in hand. He picks Nikki, who I am genuinely shocked about, then Lindzi, then, finally, Courtney, who skips up to Ben to receive her rose. So Rachel and Emily are going home. I am surprised! Well, not about Rachel.

I wrote a rap for that man!!

Usually by this point, or even sooner, the Bachelors walk the people they cut out to the limo, to talk to them one last time, maybe apologize or offer some type of explanation or condolences. Not our Ben though! He hugs them and says see ya, much the same way he did at the very first rose ceremony.

Well, this episode was kind of a bust. Between Courtney being the most annoying person alive, and Ben being the least interesting man on television, not a lot to work with. Next week looks boring too, but hopefully they’ll spice things up once its down to three people. I cant believe Ben is going to meet Nikki’s parents. It is obvious he isnt interested at all. So we’ll see what happens!!

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope everyone reading this has some form of genuine love in their life and never ends up competing for a caveman in a tank top.

xoxo!

Lincoln’s Birthday!

What do you think of when you think of Abraham Lincoln? The general things that have stuck with me since grade school are that he wore a stovepipe hat, he lived in a log cabin and read by firelight, he helped end savery, and he was assassinated by a shot in the head while watching a play. And he wrote The Gettysburg address as well as the Emancipation Proclamation (a phrase I always found fun to say when I was a kid). (. I wonder if they still share these same basic facts with elementary students nowadays.

But how about some lesser-known facts about Lincoln??

He was 6′ 4″ tall. Plus that stovepipe hat! (To date he is still the tallest president)

He was the first president to wear a beard.

3 out of Lincoln’s 4 sons died before the age of 20.

In the weeks before his assassination Lincoln had dreams of his own death on multiple occasions. In one dream he hears crying in a far away room, when he gets to it there is a coffin inside. He asks who died, and the response is “the president.” Spooky!

Lincoln was a non-denominational Christian. I wonder how that would work out today, even though separation of church and state is supposed to be a big important thing in America.

Lincoln was a Moderate Republican

He created a national banking system, which resulted in standardized currency.

(source and source)

(memorial, penny, portrait)

Sew or Run??

Guess which one I chose?

I am really bad at working out in the winter. I always have been. Unless I am already out of my house (and sometimes not even then) it is almost impossible to convince myself to go to the gym. And I’m not even doing much once I’m there! Just jogging for 30 minutes. But going out into cold, snowy days to do that…. no thanks! I always thought I’d get so much more done if I lived in a place like Arizona or California, where a quarter of my year wouldn’t be wasted.

Monday I was really planning to run after classes. I made the mistake of grocery shopping first, then it was getting late, and I was really hungry, and I bought a piece of cake, and then I skipped the gym.

Tuesday I did go in the afternoon and it was HARD! Usually I get into it if I can force myself to start, but this time the whole 30 minutes sucked. And took forever. I have been hearing a lot about The Hunger Games books, so I downloaded them onto my phone and am only allowed to read them while on the treadmill. So far I havent gotten sucked in enough for it to make a difference.

Wednesday I went to the gym again, and it was much better. I bought some magazines to look at (but forgot them). Ran a little farther than usual but still didnt do weights. Takes too long.

Thursday was going to wake up and go before work (at 11:30!!) but I slept in. Oh, and then I didnt even end up working until 5:00 but I had already showered, and who wants to do that twice?

Today doesnt look good. Work in 3 hours. It’s snowy, and I really want to sew! This still leaves Sat and Sun and then that would be 4 days which wouldnt be bad. We’ll see. Trying not to spend too much energy worrying about. At least I’m not gaining weight, and I know I always work out regularly once spring and summer come. Hopefully that will be soon!

So, back to my sewing machine/happy place for now.

The Bachelor: Awkward Canoe Edition

This week on The Bachelor: We start off in Park City, Utah. We also learn that Kaci B is crazy. She tells us she really wants a one-on-one date. Um, you already had one. Do you really think you’re getting another one 3 weeks in? That’s not how this works! But she must not know that because she starts crying when she learns it isnt her. This is unfortunate. She is one of my picks for top 3 (maybe top 4).

Instead, Ben choses to go on a date with Rachel. She has straight blonde hair and the scratchy voice of a smoker/drinker. I think a few years ago this show started being sponsored by a helicopter company. How else to explain the fact that it is their main mode of travel? I wish I had a montage of every Bachelor/ette’s multiple helicopter ride. Why not a hot air balloon every now and again? Now that’s romantic!

True romance

Instead they ride to a lake and go out in a canoe. It’s a loooot of silences. Interspersed by them saying how “nice,” “romantic,” and “peaceful” things are, and then Ben just gives up and starts making out with her. Girl is not good at making conversation!

I'm bored.

Ben tells us (after we watch some excruciatingly awkward conversation about crows feet (yes, eye wrinkles)) that he and Rachel have good chemistry but the conversation was lacking. Or maybe he said lagging. Either way: I don’t think conversation lacks when you have chemistry! Ben, chemistry is actually more than just thinking someone is pretty. He should learn that soon, before he picks the model as his wife. Eeks.

Anyway, it is a super boring date, filled with…no, it wasnt filled with anything. Empty date. Ben says he’s confused about what he’s feeling (To clarify: it’s boredom). Oh but then after he gives her the rose he explains why: Rachel is beautiful. He “likes kissing her.” Ok then!

Time for the group date! Up comes Ben on a horse (much like a knight in shining armor.)

Something tells me Lindzi won't be impressed

Something that I love about this show is their ability to take old cliches and turn them into realities. So, while the girls may say they are “leaping into things” or “falling for Ben,” they probably said these things on a bungee jumping date. Today, we take the “you’re a catch” cliche and run with it! A fly fishing date. What could be more fun than standing in two feet of water wearing chest-high waders with 10 other girls and Ben, who I think fits more aptly with “there are other fish in the sea” than “you’re a catch,” but what do I know? No one catches anything except Courtney, the “model.” Much like my dad, who was also a fly fisherman model. All the other girls are pissed.

Then it’s time for the fancy half of the date! Obviously Ben didn’t get the memo, or else he just really isnt interested in impressing anyone. Courtney is trying bravely not to care that she’s in competition for a scrub.

But it's my nicest hoodie.

Side-by-side conversation comparison: First girl is nice, and reports that even though she’s only had group dates she’s happy to see Ben at all. Second girl: Alll I get is group dates! Boohoo! I want a one on one! Ben thinks the second girl is lame, so he sends her packing! Well, that was easy! For Ben that is. Not so much for the girl. She cries a lot and then says something along the lines of the thing that hurts the most was that he didnt like her. So, nothing to do with Ben as a person. Just a bruised ego. Those heal quickly. Don’t worry, random blonde girl!

He's just not that into me?

Next up, Courtney plays Ben like a fiddle. She pretends that she is super upset, and “struggling.” She has lost sight of their connection since she hasnt been able to spend much time with him. It’s hard!! Ben is sad that Courtney is “sad.” She wants to be reassured, but only by being given the rose (she doesnt actually say this, it’s just obvious to everyone but Ben). Like a puppet on a string, Ben goes to get the rose and gives it to her. Kaci B acted sweet and nice and happy to see him during their time together, and Courtney gets the rose. Ben’s an idiot.

I'm not an idiot. I'm a caveman.There's a difference... I think.

"Winning." (Her caption not mine) (Actually, Charlie Sheen's caption, not hers)

Next up is a date with Jennifer. She seems nice and normal so she won’t win. They hike up to a rusty cage and are then supposed to repel into a cave. Jennifer is not excited, as no normal person would be. Enough with creating scenarios where the girls have to “trust” Ben, and if they don’t it means they are uptight bitches. I would “trust” my partner not to put me in a situation where I had to walk barefoot through a rusty cage only to have to drop  200 feet into a puddle. Trust means your boyfriend won’t make out with other girls when you arent around, and he’ll look out for your best interests. Clearly, these women have no reason to trust Ben! (Cliche used: Taking the plunge. They never miss an opportunity for meaningless phrases, I’ll give them that!)

I shaved my legs for this?

Then, they go to a country concert. Uhg, worst date ever. Jennifer disagrees, and now she can confidently say that she would like to marry Ben.

At the rose ceremony, all I really learn is that Courtney is extremely annoying. It mostly has to do with everything she says, but also they way her lips move when she talks. She is always curling or scrunching or pursing or eating her lips and it is weird and distracting.

See?

Courtney and Emily also have some weird, lame little fight that was boring. Then Ben tries to convince us that this week has been a turning point, and also that his wife is somewhere in this room. Sounds spooky, like she’s a ghost. She’s here, but we just can’t see her or know who she is. What I want to know is, does Ben know who she is? Or he’s just pretty sure it’s one of them? That’s not super romantic.

The rose ceremony is not super dramatic because he is still giving roses to people I don’t know. Jamie? Nikki? Ultimately, this girl is sent home:

I put on clown make-up for this?

She didnt have the right look to win, but I kinda liked her. She was like the Greek chorus in the house, saying pretty reasonable, funny stuff about what was happening. Obviously that won’t get you far on this show! Don’t worry, second random blonde girl, you are dodging a bullet.

So who is your pick for top three? Mine are Lindzi, Kaci B, Emily, and Courtney. Oops, thats top four. Since Courtney would be the dumbest pick, that’s probably what will happen. Ben, it’s your funeral! Or, your public humiliation and subsequent breakup. Good luck!

See you next week for skinny dipping, a giant handkerchief  worn as a dress, and lots more tears!