Good Pens

I bought some great pens this week, for those of you who, like me (and Mattie), love office supplies. The first are called “Pilot Frixion Gel Pens.” I bought a pack with pink, blue, and I think black. They are erasable, which isn’t super important, but unlike old erasable pens which never wrote that well, these have gel ink, and they “erase” using friction, so there’s no eraser, just a hard-ish nub on one end of the pen. BUT the great, awesomely amazing thing about these pens is that they disappear off of fabric when you iron over them! So, you can make pattern marks, quilting lines, any guide for sewing, and then you just iron it and they are completely gone! I saw someone using them at one of my meetings, and they’re amazing! I have already used them on a project and it was so handy. Because using chalk to mark is never very precise, and it doesnt always show up that well. So these are great.

The other pens I am enjoying are “Sharpie Retractable Fine-Point Pens.” I love writing with regular fine point Sharpies but they bleed through paper and they run out kind of quickly. Plus they aren’t super smooth to write with. But theeeese Sharpies are very smooth, and don’t bleed! They are click pens, which I like (although the clicky thing itself is oddly and laughably long), and the point isnt too fine. I am not sure how quickly they’ll run out, since I just got them, but so far they’re great!

Anyone out there have a favorite pen that you always buy? I’ve known multiple people obsessed with the Pilot G2 pen, though I’ve never gotten into them. You?

The Bachelor: Weakest Engagement in Bachelor History Edition

Let’s pretend we don;t know whats going to happen, on the final episode of The Bachelor! And then, thank goodness, Ben will be gone from our tv. I hope the casting directors have learned a lesson about who they pick as a main character…

Anyway, Ben, the luckiest douche  in America, tries to convince us his is super distraught over his decision, all while traveling to this little chalet and then using the Matterhorn for strength. Intermittent shots of Lindzi and Courtney reflecting around town are also shown.

Ben’s mom and sister arrive, and they all look exactly alike, though somehow it’s a better look on a woman. Last season Ben’s sister was kind of a hard ass, and I hope that continues. Here is what Ben whats them to ask the ladies: what they like about Ben, are they compatible with him, and do they see them in his life. Ben wants his mom to find out what they like about him?? Weird. These all seem like things he would know, considering he might propose?

Lindzi comes first to meet the fam, and she is very nervous. It’s kind of endearing. She keeps dropping her fork and just looks awkward. I feel like I’m relating a little bit too much..

This is totally natural...

Ben claims he needs more time with Lindzi so she can open up more and be vulnerable… uh, didnt that happen last week, hence his justification of taking her to the fantasy suite. Nice try Ben, but that reason isnt going to cut if if (when) you dont pick her.

Ben’s mom liked her. Can’t you tell?

Welcome to our family

When Ben’s sister talks to Lindzi, she asks about Courtney! Haha. That doesnt usually happen. But I can tell Ben’s sister is not into Courtney, and she hasnt even met her. Like most girls, sister aint impressed by the fact that Courtney’s a model. Like most guys, Ben can’t get that fact out of his mind. They have already decided that they want Ben to pick Lindzi. The sister doesnt want a model as a sister-in-law. Oh, dont worry Julie. They’ll never marry!

So let’s see how the meeting with Court goes! When she arrives, Ben tells her he’s nervous and she thinks its cute… no, Courtney, he’s nervous that youll be a biotch to his mom and sister like you were to the girls. I think she thinks he’s nervous because he likes her so much. She says she’ll be on her best behavior…. which means this is not exactly her natural state. Unfortunately, their meeting goes just fine, and guess what, everyone likes Courtney now! Ben tells us that the “misconception about the pretty model who doesnt get along with the girls is put to rest.” Well ok then! I guess we all better stop talking about it.

It seems like it should now be the time where he choses. Except first we have to sit through two more dates, and hear more of the same made up problems we just heard about! Yay?

Side note: if you ever find yourself as a contestant on the Bachelor, this jump up and wrap your legs around someone move is absolutely imperrative:

Aaand wrap.

Even though I’m not a skier I am very jealous of their private gondola to the top of the Materhorn. Lindzi asks if Ben sees a future with her and he says yes. She gets very excited. I know the show has to keep us guessing, but it would really suck to be the one that doesnt get chosen bc Ben has really made it seem like he wants to be with her. So why would she think otherwise?

The gondola of vulnerability

This what Lindzi looked like as she told Ben she loved him.

i Love? you

Then Ben gets kind of condescending (what?) and says he’s glad she finally opened up and became vulnerable, just like he knew she could. So, being completely open means saying I love you? Whatevskies. I’m tired of them trying to convince us Lindzi was so closed off. Really no more than any of the other girls. She seemed pretty open the whole time to the process, and progressed at a normal (still really fast in real world terms) pace. Not buying it.

Anyway, hasn’t it kind of seemed lie something was missing throughout this episode? Something I just couldn’t place. But then it arrived, and I knew what had been missing all along…

Progressing to new heights!!

Thank god we have a helicopter! They land in an absolutely beautiful place and cook, and drink, and make snow angels, and go sledding and although I love a beach vacation, I am seriously into Switzerland. Oh yeah, they also match, which is funny, because I feel like couples do that a lot, without realizing it.

Well that doesnt look too terrible

Courtney makes Ben a photo album… of their journey… with pictures from the show. Ben asks the question I want to know as well, which is where did she get the pictures? From the producers, obviously. But whose idea was it?? Ben looooves it. You can tell how he’s excited because he says “it’s really nice” and kisses her… oh wait, he does that with everyone and everything….

Uhg, more flashbacks and Ben weighing his options. And then, the girls point of view for a few moments. Just a few! No new info though.

Jewelry time! Ben claims he wants this to be the last time he proposes.

Better do it now, bc you'll never be able to afford this on your own!

Cape #1

And now the women get to go on one last helicopter ride, all gussied up for the ball. I feel like I have seen many gorgeous, formal coats in my day, and yet the women have to/get to? wear CAPES instead. Lindzi is in a dark cape and Courtney in light. In my experience, the dark outfit never wins….I guess they tried to throw us off by putting them both in dark dresses. The only thing worse than getting dumped? Getting dumped while wearing a cape.

Ben takes an excruciatingly long time to tell Lindzi he isnt picking her, and for the first half of the speech she thinks he’s going to. Well, included in his “break up speech” was  an I love you, so it makes sense that she was confused. And she was so excited too! Don’t worry Lindzi, it’s all for the best. You don’t know it yet, but you actually did win! I think she’ll be fine. Especially since she’ll never have to see Courtney and Ben tie the knot.

Cape #2

Courtney has the interesting idea to wear black gloves to her engagement. I’d keep my fingers open and available, but that’s just me. Whereas Ben fooled Lindzi into thinking he was going to pick her, he takes them opposite route and fools Courtney into thinking he isn’t. He says he loves her, but he promised he wouldnt propose again until he knew it was forever….. but wait! she’s his forever! Proposals are a lot sweeter to if you care about the players even a little bit…

So, they ya have it. They keep saying they will love each other forever. Almost as if they are trying to convince themselves and us…

The happy couple!

So what did you think? Were you as surprised as no one that Ben picked Courtney? Will they ever get married?? (no). Are they even still together???Thanks goodness for After the Final Rose, we get to see right away what these two crazy kids are up to now!

The Bachelor: Boring Reunion Edition/Everyone Hates Courtney

Tonight’s episode is called The Women Tell All. Usually, the women tell nothing, so let’s see what happens tonight! The first part of of the show is a commercial for Bachelor Pad. For those of you who don’t know, Bachelor Pad is the greatest show ever, in terms of reality tv dating competitions. I am so glad it’ll be on! It’s kind of like if a bunch of people you already knew went on tv and did lots of stupid stuff that you could then gossip about. It feels like you know them, because they were already on whatever season of the Bachelor. I love it. At first they show a bunch of people I don’t recognize, and then we see Ed, Ali, Ryan, Frank. These are some big names! People who made it far on their season, or who won. Usually Bachelor Pad attracts the B-list of the Bachelor (so like, z-list of the real world). In summary, I’m pumped.

I guess this is what a Bachelor reunion looks like...

And then we get started on the reunion. Which is just looootts of flashbacks to things we have already seen. Yeah yeah. Blakely was crazy, Britney went home, Jamie still doesnt know how to seduce a man, and Courtney is and always will be a weirdo. Why couldnt they at least show us new footage to illustrate these points?

So all the chickens squawk about Blakely for a while. Then Chris Harrision tries to steer Britney into her answer of why she left early, saying, there was so much drama, was that why you left early? Haha, nice try Chris. Nope, it’s because she wasnt attracted to Ben. That’s great! Obviously not every girl in the world is attracted to the same person, and I bet in the real world, maybe one or two of the girls would give Ben a second look. But anyways. We do learn one new thing. Samantha is super annoying.

Its becoming clearer why Ben dumped you halfway through a date..

Next we bring Shantel back. Poor girl. She was only on the show for like 10 minutes. Is this necessary? So they reshow the clips of all the girls being complete psychos about her showing up (at least I think they did, I fast forwarded). They were all bullies, and when given an opportunity to apologize and make themselves look better, none of them take it. There were a few half-assed apologies followed by justifications of their rudeness. Whatever. They were all jealous and super scared that Ben would pick her over them. And she is prettier than most of them. Simple. I really liked her dress though.

Gold!

Now we talk to Emily. What we learn is that Emily is glad she didnt end up with Ben. She didn’t like the skinny dipping, nor the way he treated her with regards to Courtney. And that if Ben chooses Courtney, it’s basically his funeral. The others seem to agree. I like Emily. She is smart and seems fun.

I'm not afraid to say it: I dodged a bullet!

Nikki is up next. She looks pretty. Not much interesting here. Basically she took the things Ben said to her throughout the show and interpreted them to mean he really liked her. She was shocked, and now she’s happy again. Yay! Happy ending. I feel like she is too sweet to say it, but I don;t think she wishes she were still with Ben.

Kaci B is next. God, there are way too many flashback montages on this show. Kaci didnt tell us anything new either. Just described what we just saw. She seems to be over Ben too. Basically I think once all the women watch the season, they see he’s not that great.

Next up: Courtney. I wonder if they’ll try to make us like her. Not gonna happen! They spend a segment of the show showing what a weirdo she was and then all the girls talk about why they dislike her. Chris tries to tell them, essentially, that they are bad people if they don’t accept her apology. However, they all know her apology is fake, and probably the result of Chris/the producers forcing her to do it so this doesn’t ruin their show. Come on. Courtney doesn’t care about how she’s treated these women, except in regards to it maybe affecting her chances of winning (which I don’t really think it does). Does this show really think its viewers are that dumb? Chris tells the women that Courtney’s there, and they all roll their eyes. Haha.

Courtney comes on and tries to be meek and mild, and says she regrets what she did. All the women shake their heads. No one buys it. I was uncomfortable, so I was mean…. Hardly a good excuse. Plus, she seemed overconfident, actually, not uncomfortable. She repeatedly said she had no interest in the women. Sorry show.  We already know who Courtney is. She showed us all season. Too late! By the time this show was filmed, didnt she already know if Ben picked her or not? I think if Ben hadn’t picked her, the show wouldnt be spending so much time trying to convince us she’s changed. Just speculation/it’s obvious that she won?

Winning?

Oh good, it’s Ben. This segment taught us nothing new either! The ladies ask him a few questions, but nothing interesting. Jamie continues to be as desperate as ever and tells Ben she’ll still date him if he’s ever single again. He doesn’t really talk to anyone, or about anything anyone would want to hear about. And then we are subjected to this:

Your bachelor, ladies and gentlemen.

Of course we end the show with two more montages of the final two ladies. And of course they are old news. Ben is in love, they are in love, everyones in love!

But who will Ben chose?? Hopefully next week’s episode will be more interesting than this snoozefest (sorry for the boring post).  See you next week for the episode we’ll have to see to believe… sure, Chris Harrison.

The Bachelor: The Return! (of the helicopter)

Here we are, on one of the last legs of this “incredible journey.” This week will take place in Switzerland, and I’ll just go ahead and let you know that I’m incredibly jealous.

The show starts with Ben’s Plane Ride o’ Reflection. As he rides in some type of fancy plane to Switzerland (or maybe that was just first class– I want it!) we are meant to think that he is spending this particular journey thinking about his choices and about the women, although Ben has not exactly proven himself to be a deep thinker, so I’m not convinced. We get little recaps of each one.

Hmmm.....ginger ale or coke?

He seems to struggle to find anything nice to say about Nikki. Essentially, she’s nice and would make him happy. Ok…. Lindzi he seems slightly more into, but still, the best he can come up with is that what he likes about her is that she makes him happy. No Ben, what do you like about her. Aw, forget it. He then talks about Courtney and claims she’s a bit nerdy. I take offense to that. Nerds are normally smart. Courtney is an idiot; therefor, I don’t think she qualifies as a nerd. I think the word Ben wants is “incredibly big weirdo and not in a good way.” He reminds us she’s a rebel who he went skinny dipping with and then this clip flashes on the screen.

Say whaaaaa?

Hmm, that’s weird. I don’t remember this naked make-out session. All in all, Ben believes this week, with the overnight dates, will give him the clarity he needs. Ew.

Ben’s first date this week is with Nikki. Guess what they do?? You’ll never ever guess.

Surprise!....?

But Ben does get like 1/8th of a point by kinda acknowledging the fact that all he ever does is ride in helicopters, so I’ll give that to him. They fly around for a long time, in fact it’s how they spend their day.

Taking our relationship to new heights (their words!)

I guess that view is decent. They sit on top of a mountain (or so Nikki claims) and talk about Nikki’s family and how she is in love with Ben. Ben has this throw-away line, saying her dad reminds him of his dad. Uh oh. I think Nikki takes this to mean that Ben wants to be parts of her family. I think she’s overreacting. Nikki talks a lot, and Ben does his usual job of nodding and giving inane replies. Like “uh huh” “yeah” and kissing her to shut her up. Doesnt he look so excited to be with her?

Definitely feel a spark

In a voiceover Ben claims that this day showed him a spark and a new side to Nikki (seemed exactly the same to me) and he hopes she will spend the night with him. Convenient!

Oh man, Nikki is sooo into Ben. She talks about their future all the time, and she looks really happy. Ratio of words Nikki says to words Ben says. Roughly 300:1. I just don’t think theres any way she is going to win, and I’m starting to feel really bad for her. I mean, if you were the Bachelor/ette wouldnt you feel kinda messed up about letting someone plan their life with you, knowing for sure it wasnt going to happen. Also about having them spend the night when you? Ben does ask her how she pictures herself “integrating into [his] life,” which excited Nikki, but my goodness, Ben. Selfish much!? How about “how would we integrate our lives together?” Jerk. Anyways, they are off to the fantasy suite, complete with hot tub and a fire and a million candles. Aaaaand scene.

Lingering shot of the bed...

Obviously, the second date we see is Lindzi’s. They start out with some extreme sports, or so they say. Repelling down a cliff! Well, when I think of repelling (and maybe I’m wrong) I feel like you actually interact with the cliff. Like, use it to jump out and down. No? Well, these two just sloowwwwly release a rope that is hanging next to a cliff, but it doesnt look like it ever actually touches the cliff. Kinda weird, and not that cool.

We went rope dangling!

Ben says he loves Lindzi and, also conveniently, today he says he saw a more affectionate side, leading to his justification for the overnight date!

They show their dinner and they each use the word vulnerable approximately 800 times. It’s super exciting. So, Lindzi was dumped last year, but she has bravely allowed herself to fall in love again. With Ben! And that’s really all the story we ever learn about Lindzi, other than that she likes horses, and for some reason Ben.

Ben and Lindzi's bed shot

Do you think they show the beds as a not-so-subtle sign that overnight dates mean sex? So creepy.

Courtney and Ben get to have a normal date of taking a train up to one of the little towns near Interlocken (which I also did while I was there, and it’s awesome), and then they get a picnic and go eat it next to some cows. By this point I think the producers have told Ben how badly they are going to portray Courtney, because she’s given them so much material to work with. So Ben has to now act like he is concerned about Courtney’s treatment of the other women. I’m not buying it though. When the women brought it up multiple times during the season, he did not care at all, and usually got mad at them for saying anything. When he brings it up Courtney tries to excuse it by saying it was a weird situation and that she tried to be nice (sure). Ben says it was messed up regardless. Hey, go Ben! But then he instantly backs down and says he doesnt want to talk about it. That’s the Ben I know.

In a talking head Courtney’s voice sounds like she’s crying, yet she never sheds a tear. Odd.

This is how I cry

On the next part of their date, Ben tells her that in order for this to work HE needs support. HE has a lot of women friends and basically wants to know if Courtney is going to be a bitch to them. She doesnt exactly say that she won’t, she says there’s more good than bad and that she has trust issues. But, Ben wants to go land skinny dipping with her so he chooses to hear this as an apology. Interesting how that works. I’ll never forget Oprah saying “people tell you who they are.” But then it’s up to you to decide whether or not to listen. Ben is not listening.

Instead, they go to their fantasy suite and get into a giant barrel that I really hope is filled with wine!

This is what life with Ben would be like on his winery.

The next segment is just so weird. So, Emily is the next Bachelorette. She is a single mom who gets lonely and she lives in an extremely nice house. She’s also really, really pretty in the most traditional way you can be pretty. She has giant teeth. She meets up with ex-Bachelorettes Ashley and Ali and they do a bunch of odd stuff like try on clothes, get their make up done, and then go on a date with each other to see Titanic in 3D. Wha?? Way to be current, show.

Is this an image you expected to see when you started this show?

Anyways, the segment tells us nothing really, other than that Emily wants to find a love like Rose and Jack’s. In a way it’s the perfect metaphor, since this show is essentially a sinking ship, and that’s where she’s headed to find love!

But, back to our current love story. Oh yeah, the mystery guest! It is Kaci (B…). She has returned for answers! She seems super nervous and shaky. Hate that feeling.  Ben, if you’d have said more than a half-assed “sorry” last week, this wouldnt be happening. She says she was so shocked last week she didnt know what to say. Ben kind of looks like he thinks she has come to tell him something.

Yes, I will listen to you. Proceed my child.

No Ben. She wants you to talk for the first time ever. She wants answers about why he dumped her because she didnt see it coming. He basically tells her he wouldnt be able to get along with her family. She didnt do anything wrong, he just knew he wasnt going to propose. This doesnt seem to help much, shockingly. So she tells him if its not going to be her, dont pick Courtney either. Haha. Awesome. Ben gets pissed at her and shuffles her out the door. Kaci doesnt want to leave, but Ben clearly doesnt want  her around anymore.

Kaci's fantasy suite didnt go quite as expected

Ben says he had made his decision (spoiler?? so, is he telling us he had already made his mind up about picking Courney? Sorry, other two girls he just slept with!) and then Kaci showed up and threw him for a loop. So he talks to Chris about his confusion, but not really. It’s pretty boring. He claims to be confused. I don’t really believe it, but we’ll see!

Rose Ceremony time!

It takes wayyyyy too long, but basically Ben gets rid of the one girl who actually seemed to truly like and/or love him. Way to go Ben! He walks her out, as the two remaining girls stare at them.

The Phaaaaaaantom of the opera is there....inside your mind

Learning  a lesson in goodbyes from Kaci, and not wanting to risk a return encounter from Nikki, he explains that she’s great, her family is great, and he loved every minute of their time together. He just started to have doubts at the end. Yeah, but…. weren’t those doubts about Courtney?? Anyway, Nikki is upset, and now Ben is left with two women who SAY they love him, but for some reason I just don’t buy it from either one of them. So, I’m not super invested in the outcome.

Next week is the reunion/women tell all. Chris Harrison keeps referring to this season as the most controversial…. I dont think he actually knows what that means  because I cant think of a controversy other than skinny dipping, which no one but me has talked about since it happened… I hope the reunion is good, and the ladies are mean to Ben. It never happens, but a girl can dream.

2 weeks until the final show, which Chris also promises will be controversial. What, will they be legalizing gay marriage on the show? I guess we’ll find out!

No Ideas Here!

So, this week I committed to writing a short story! Ah! What was I thinking?! So, instead of writing my story, I will just write about how I’m not writing it. Because I don’t know what to write. Because I suck. Because writing is really hard! Because I’m a baby. Because because because.

I went to a kick-off party with two friends from work this past Sunday. This meeting took place at a “gamer’s cafe,” a place I certainly never knew existed, filled with Dungeons and Dragons, Star Wars memorabilia, and a special, musty basement smell. Not feeling particularly inspired, we didn’t stay long. Instead we headed to a little coffee shop on our own, and did a little writing and sharing there. It was weird what a strong reaction I had in my own body to doing this. As I started to write my heart was beating really, really fast, and my cheeks felt really hot but I was really cold. I couldnt think of anything at all to write about. It sucked! I felt like the other two girls did such a good job, and I failed.

I know (I KNOW) that a big part of writing is to not criticize yourself, especially not when you are just freewriting for ten minutes in a coffee shop. But what is it about writing that makes me so hard on myself? What is it about writing that is so serious to me? Because I can mess up on a quilt, or a bag, and I dont care. I just put it in the “didnt really work out” pile. And then I try something else. And it’s all fun. Where is the fun part of writing, and how do I get back there?

It seems weird that I spent 2 years solid writing almost every day. I liked that. It wasnt easy then either, but I liked the prompts, the reading assignments, the feedback, the deadlines. Being accountable to authority figures. I have been looking back through some old writing, and I really don’t hate a lot of it, but I am not sure what to do with it, or what changes to make to things to make them complete. Most of them are no where near being complete, of course. I especially like looking back through my notes from the Summer Writing Program. Even though it was 90% torture at the time, I generated a lot of good ideas, and I enjoyed a lot of the themes we worked with (like erasure, memory, ghosts, family, elected affinities, etc). There are a few pieces I would like to bring out of hiding and play with again.

But I guess what I need to do now is just think of a topic, and start writing. Or, just start writing! I only have until Sunday! Luckily, short stories can be quite short. Maybe I’ll go the 500 words route. Wish me luck….

(photos from here, here, and here)

Nordic Thrillers Recommendations!

If you enjoyed “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” series, and it seems like most people did, allow me to offer you some other options for exciting Nordic mysteries! I know I was a bit sad when I read the last of the Stieg Larsson trio, but these other authors have filled the void quite nicely. They are all very well written, and they’re all page turners.

The middle row shows a few books by the author Jo Nesbo, a well-known Norwegian writer. He has written many books, I’ve read 3 or 4 of them. The main character in his books is Harry Hole, a smart, surly, alcoholic detective. He’s an interesting character. I like him. I suppose the Hole books go in some type of order, but I read The Snowman first, out of order. It’s a good, creepy book, though pretty graphic with its descriptions of violence. Not for the easily scared. But it was a good mystery, and since I never really try to solve mysteries as I read, I was intrigued all the way through. The Devil’s Star is another good one, same main characters, although this time the book is set during the summer, which is odd since a big part of most of these Nordic mysteries is the pervasive cold. Lots of other options by this author as well. I highly recommend him.

The Hypnotist is by Lars Kepler, which is actually the pen name of a Swedish writer couple. Cool! This book starts out with a very violent crime, but the book overall isnt as graphic as some of the others .There is a good mystery, and interesting characters. I liked this book a lot too.

I just read The Keeper of Lost Causes and enjoyed it as well. This one takes place in Denmark. A few of the scenes were pretty twisted and hard to read, and I think gave me weird, messed up dreams a few times, but it was a good book, the kind I couldnt put down for the last fifty pages or so especially. This one is a bit slower moving overall, but still a good read and a good mystery.

I have not read this last one, The Boy in the Suitcase, but I saw it on Amazon and I thought it sounded good.

I hope you enjoy whatever Nordic mystery you chose! Let me know of some other good ones I have missed! I especially like reading these in the wintertime for some reason.

The Bachelor: The Most Hideous Tank Top in Bachelor History Edition!

This week the Bachelor takes his six “perfect” women to Belize. I’d go there! But not with Ben. Becuase I would never go anywhere with a man in a tank top. Ewwww. I found a tank top in one of Aaron’s storage boxes once and I texted him to tell him we were over. He claimed it had never been worn….

I don't see the problem

Lindzi has the first one-on-one date this week. Courtney reads the word “halves” like this: “hafs.” Good job. Lindzi is excited and nervous but when Ben shows up in yet another tank top, I think all her hopes and dreams are crushed. Or maybe thats just me.

They get in a motorcycle and go to a place called “The Blue Hole.” Im not crazy about the name. Oh wait, did I say motorcycle? I meant….

Helicopter!

Ben really knows how to treat a lady like she’s one of a kind. Since Ben hasn’t jumped out of or into anything with Lindzi yet, he has no way of knowing if she really likes him. Lindzi is just sick of helicopters, so they jump out. What follows is waaaay to many cliches about leaps of faith, falling for one another, and so on. Boo. Lindzi, you’re better than this! She tells us she now knows she wants to get married and have kids. Seems weird that she didnt know that before coming on the show….

Ben and Lindzi sit on a dock and then talk to each other about taking the leap. Wow. They say this was such a great day… why? We didnt see any of it. They do make out a lot. Lindzi has a way of talking that kinda sounds like she’s always sarcastic and almost mocking the person she’s talking to without them realizing it. I like it! Then they write a story about their terrible leap of nothingness, put it into a bottle, and throw it into the bay, where it will probably wash ashore next time Ben and Courtney are skinny dipping.

I hope it makes it to America!

Ok, let’s move on. That was a terrible date. Nothing happened.

Emily’s date is next. She has to take a plane by herself to meet Ben. Weird. Courtney is hurt that Ben is going out with Emily even though Emily was mean to her… Um… that’s not quite how I remember things. Emily is getting her PhD at UNC, which Aaron tells me is a “public Ivy,” so she’s probably smart. Yet, she is also on this show, so I’m confused! They ride bikes in town, drink coconuts, play b-ball, and then “spontaneously” ask a guy to take them lobster fishing. Lobstering? Come on, that was planned! During their date we get waaaay too many flashes to Courtney interviews, pretending that she’ll go home if she doesnt get a one on one date. She doesnt like how Ben doesnt stand up for her. Maybe it’s because you’re worse than Emily??

The real reason they went lobstering? So they could say "you're a catch!"

Ben and Emily’s date was ok, looked fun.

Back at the mansion, much to everyone’s dismay, we find out that Courtney gets the one on one. She rubs it in everyone’s face, acting like this means Ben likes her more. And now we can’t call her bluff on going home. Darn! She also says “snap” multiple times as part of her reaction. What a weirdo!

So, Ben and Courtney go to the jungle and climb some ruins and talk repeatedly about human sacrifice. Don’t give us any ideas, Courtney. She says that Ben needs to step up his game with her because the spark is gone. That would be awesome, coming from anyone other than Courtney. But she sucks, so it’s super annoying. She tells Ben “it’s” (unclear pronoun referent) been harder on her than the other girls. Ok…. and he goes along with it. Ben’s such a tool. He reallllllly wants a model to like him, because he looks like a jerk and he knows it. And he has no personality. They are actually perfect together, so I hope she wins now, just to spare the other girls.

Love is an uphill batte

Actually, the cliche used this time is that every step they take is also another step in their relationship. Wow, that’s deep. Courtney tells Ben the spark is back. Haha. Way to freak him out by pretending you are over him, and then telling him you like him again. She’s a master.

Ben asks about her relationships with the other women in the house. OMG. She says shes tried so hard to get along with them, asked them questions, complimented them, but they dont like her! But then she kinda changes her story and says shes not interested in them, they’re all vanilla, and not women but girls. Well, which is it Courtney?? Wow, that was quite a story. She also basically says she doesnt need this show to find love (cuz shes a model)but she thinks the exposure it will bring her makes it worth it. Oh, no, she thinks “Ben” is worth it. Totally believable. She’s so annoying!

For the group date, Ben sneaks into the girls house and wakes them all up at 4am. Ooh, I’d be mad. They pretend like they’re happy. If a cro-magnon broke into my room and didnt leave me time to get ready, I’d be annoyed.

I hope the girls didnt accidentally cut themselves while in their rush to shave....

They all get dressed and follow Ben to the dock. Rachel opts to match Ben with grey and white stripes.

Jailbirds!

Ben reveals what they are doing today. He says overcoming fears is a huge part of a relationship. Who is Ben dating?? Serial killers? It is really not that scary. Anyway, they are shark diving! Some are very excited:

Or maybe it's the 5:00am champagne talking

Others, not so much:

"You bitch"

If Rachel is NOT scared of love, but IS scared of sharks, does that make her a better or worse match for Ben? That is your riddle for the day.

Why are women competing for a man who brings women to Shark Alley against their will? (I am just imagining Carrie on this date.) His advice is to punch them in the nose if they get aggressive. I dont know. That seems like it could turn into a mouth full of teeth pretty quickly. Seriously, this is the worst date ever. I dont have an active fear of sharks, but I wouldnt want to do this!! Yet, I still have the ability to fall in love. Weird how that works, isn’t it?

Grrrr. I just finished typing this, and then my computer erased the second half! Lame. Ok, well the group date is pretty boring, they swim with some sharks, Rachel conquers her fear, which seemed like she overcame it pretty quickly, but I guess if there was a ROSE on the line, who knows what I’d do. Pet a cat? I guess we’ll never find out. Or will we….

What's a cliche that rhymes with "shark"?

But alas, it is Kaci, and not Rachel who gets the rose. Ben says it’s because she “wore her heart on her sleeve” but Nikki also told him she was in love with him.Then, their date gets even more lame because they go back to their own villa to hang out with Ben, and Courtney spies from the balcony. Or at least they want us to think she did. They may be in Belize, but they are not pulling out the stops for dates this week.

At the Rose Ceremony we learn that there will be no cocktail party because Ben knows his decision. But he doesnt want to spend any extra time with these ladies, even the ones he likes. But look at all the fun he’s missing!

I'm confident!

Tyra Banks taught me this

Ben said he wanted a werido!

Here’s my theory on Courtney’s weirdo faces. Since she is a model she is used to exaggerating everything for the camera, and not only that, but getting praised for it as well. So she thinks these faces translate to real life, or maybe she sees the video cameras and gets confused. I don’t know, but I hope she is really embarrassed watching this.

Ben comes out to greet the ladies, and then says he wants to pull Courtney aside. But I thought he was super sure of his decision! He half-heartedly asks her some vague questions, and she answers him in a roundabout way. Apparently this is enough for Ben, and they go back to the ceremony hand in hand. He picks Nikki, who I am genuinely shocked about, then Lindzi, then, finally, Courtney, who skips up to Ben to receive her rose. So Rachel and Emily are going home. I am surprised! Well, not about Rachel.

I wrote a rap for that man!!

Usually by this point, or even sooner, the Bachelors walk the people they cut out to the limo, to talk to them one last time, maybe apologize or offer some type of explanation or condolences. Not our Ben though! He hugs them and says see ya, much the same way he did at the very first rose ceremony.

Well, this episode was kind of a bust. Between Courtney being the most annoying person alive, and Ben being the least interesting man on television, not a lot to work with. Next week looks boring too, but hopefully they’ll spice things up once its down to three people. I cant believe Ben is going to meet Nikki’s parents. It is obvious he isnt interested at all. So we’ll see what happens!!

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope everyone reading this has some form of genuine love in their life and never ends up competing for a caveman in a tank top.

xoxo!

The Bachelor: Least Dramatic Rose Ceremony in Bachelor History

Let’s get this party started! Last week, as you remember, Ben tells the ladies he’s taking them to the “most glamourous” city in South America. I know I guessed Beunos Aires, but I was wrong. It’s Panama! I know nothing about Panama, but the super fancy Trump towers part of the city looks ok so far. Ben once again stuns us with his fashion choices: Tight white shorts.

This week is also the two-on-one date, otherwise known as most awkward thing ever. I’m not too nervous though, because there are still some people whose names I don’t even know, and that’s who I’m guessing will go home. Ben comes in to tell the ladies this week is a fresh start. (Why? From what? Weirdo.) He leaves a date card instead of just telling the girl who it’s for that she has a date. I guess Chris Harrison was busy.

Turns out that Kaci B gets the date. But she already haaaaad a one on one!! It’s not faaaaiir. Ben gets all dressed up and then they do something truly shocking.

Doc Martens and swim trunks: Trust me it'll catch on

Even Kaci is disappointed

They fly over the city, Ben pointing out the Panama Canal. Kaci narrates, telling us all the things she saw: “The canal… the city… it doesnt really matter what else I see, Ben is holding my hand and that’s all that matters.” Now there’s the spirit of adventure and perspective I love to see on this show! Just kidding. Ben tells us this is a test for Kaci B.

So they go to their own private deserted island and pretend like they are on a really dumb version of the movie Castaway. Ben brings a net, a machete, and matches. Kaci brings a stuffed animal, a wine opener, and candy. Gee, which of them knew they would be “stranded.” Why can’t Ben be caught unawares too? Then the dates would be even. There is a lot of talk about teamwork, and survival, and Ben thinks that if they can get through one day of playing on the beach together they can probably get through anything… I’m not fully grasping his logic, but sure, let’s go with it. They catch a fish with a giant net and then eat it plain. And it is “romantic.”

Hey, who brought the champagne??

So, here is how you get a rose on this show: Tell a secret from your past! It’s the only way. If you don’t have a secret, it means you aren;t mature enough. If you have a secret and don’t tell it, you arent opening up, and you arent ready for love. Kaci spills her beans (maybe an inappropriate analogy, since her secret was bulimia…)and Ben rewards her with the rose. Kaci tells us that on a scale of “one to wonderful” today was “fantastic.” Hmm. Not sure where that falls on the spectrum. What’s up with these ladies’ odd use of scales??

I'm not hungry

The interesting thing about this scene, which seemed like a really long story and then the presentation of the rose, was that their food sat completely untouched the whole time… Weird in juxtaposition with Kaci’s story.

Annnyway. On to the group date. They climb in a really long boat, with Ben at the helm, and I’m sure this is not a case of him overcompensating for anything…

Hey ladies

Ben wants to makes sure these girls can “go with the flow.” Get it?! Like the flow of the river?! So they go on a tour down a river and then get out because they see some kids playing soccer, totally not staged, and decide to follow them to their village. Great idea. Once there they are given flowers and are taken away to huts to change into native garb. How did they convince these people to do this? I mean the natives, not the girls, who will clearly do anything.

Courtney, shockingly, just positively shockingly, is the only one to not keep her bikini on under her beaded bra.

"The beads are cold" (yes, she really said that)

Here are the girls’ reactions:

Stay classy, Courtney

Those beads really are cold...

And this is Ben’s:

I know those boobs!

But then again, Ben’s wearing a loincloth, so he probably wasn’t expecting to get much action. There’s not much I think is grosser than a man’s white, white thighs. Ben is not changing my mind.

Blinding the locals one thigh at a time

The second part of the group date goes just as it always does. Sitting around a pool area at night, drinking, talking one-on-one with Ben. Courtney uses the EXACT line she used last time to get the rose, saying she’s “losing sight” of things and things are hard for her. Let’s see if it works this time. She also tells Ben her room number, just in case.

Jami is wearing a gold tank top, gold eye glitter, pleather bootie shorts and hooker heels, but alas, she gets outshined by Courtney in a white bikini. That’s not good. She’s definitely NOT the winner.

Emily, for some reason (to get back on Ben’s good side), apologizes to Courtney. Courtney is a bitch and doesnt accept. And then makes things worse. She sucks. Why did Emily bother? I’m sure she won’t again. Courtney ends the conversation with the always insightful “It is what it is.” Uhg, I hate when people say that. It means nothing!

Courtny doesnt get the rose, but she does do her makeup and really thinks Ben is coming to her room. Haha. Spoiler alert: he never shows.

At the two-on-one date, it is Rachel of the awkward silences and scratchy voice, and Blakely, who is older than Ben and has her job listed as  ”VIP Waitress.” I have no idea what that means, and I’ve worked in the service industry for 10 years. I’m curious.Does she only wait onVIPs, or is she the VIP?? The girls spend the first part of their date wearing awkward dresses and doing the same salsa moves over and over while a girl in spandex and a sports bra counts for them. It’s boring, with a hint of desperation. Just like the flavor profile of many of Ben’s wines, I’m guessing.

Rachel spends her time alone with Ben kissing him. Blakely… shows him her scrapbook o’ craziness.

This is us living together... wait whats your last name?

This time, pouring your heart out doesnt work. Well, it doesnt work when you’re a little bit crazytown (I also wonder where she got all these magazines!). A magazine cut-out collage is great, for your BFF in seventh grade. For an adult you are in competition for to marry…. not so much.  She was way too into Ben. Yet, he never saw her boobs, so adios amiga. I think Ben doesnt really like either of these girls, thats why he chose them for the two-on-one. So dont get too cocky there, Rachel. Your time will soon be up.

So, the previews have been showing Chris Harrison going to get Casey S, mysteriously, and then we see her sobbing like her whole family died, which is what I’ve been assuming. Well, that someone dies. Instead, it turns out that CHris has found out that Casey still likes/loves her ex. He is carrying around an ipad like he was planning to show her evidence, but she doesnt deny anything, so he never uses it. Oh boy. So basically, she doesnt want to be with her ex because he doesnt want to get married. Her supersmart idea: Be with Ben! He wants to get married! Except he also kinda sucks, so he didnt help her move on or get over her ex at all. Ben is annoyed. Casey is sad, but this time, it’s not about Ben! So I’m ok with it. Although she says like wayyyy too much.

I love you Micheal

Now the cocktail party. Jami makes one last attempt to convince Ben to keep her. She has noticed that he likes and wants a sexy, playful girl. So, hes’ probably being pretty obvious when he stares at Courtney’s boobs. Jami sadly tries to change who she is, which is normally, by her description, “Very prude.” She takes Ben to a little couch and tells him she’s been thinking about him. Then she climbs on top of him and it is super not awkward at all, see:

I did not think this through...

She’s wearing a skin tight red dress that barely allows for walking, so I’m not sure how she thought straddling would work. Then she can’t stop giggling as they awkwardly kiss. Then she says thats not how she imagined their first kiss, and would he like to try again. This time she lays out for him first exactly how its going to go in terms of mouth open/mouth closed and by this point it is just excruciating and Ben is over it, telling her she’s not the first girl he’s kissed (not even the first girl he’s kissed in the last hour, probably). Ben calls it all to a halt. She says she just wanted to have a good kiss with him, and she told him that! Well, there’s your problem. As soon as you talk about something like that, you’ve made it impossible for it to be good. Aw, poor Jamie. She looks and acts like a 13-year old who is trying to impress her older brother’s hot friend. And just like in that scenario, it does not work. And is painful to watch.

I straddled Ben for this?

So, Jami is out. Even she wasn’t surprised about this. The only thing I’m surprised about is how long she lasted. The end of the show is Emily rapping some original beats and it’s pretty great. Ben just says “niiice” when she’s done and has absolutely no personality.

But stay tuned next week as we travel to Belize, and all the girls turn Ben’s words against him, telling him to “tread lightly” with Courtney. Haha. Awesome. Im sure he won’t get rid of her, but maybe a seed will at least be planted. Adios amigos!

January Book Club

 

The Marriage Plot I finished this book over Christmas and New Years, I believe. I have enjoyed Eugenides’ past books, so I was looking forward to this one. It was not quite what I was expecting, which doesn’t reflect on the book at all. I for some reason thought it would be more serious and a bit more heavy. In a way it reminded me of Tom Woolf’s “I Am Charlotte Simmons.” Overall, I enjoyed it, although it switched point of view among the characters, and there were some I found less interesting than others, which is always the risk. Recommended if you are an English major looking for a quick but not embarrassing read.

 

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? You always hear about this book in comparison to Tina Fey’s memoir, which I guess makes sense since they are both female comediennes who write Thursday night sitcoms. I think Tina is from a different generation, and her book deals with trials of women in a male-dominated business, and had a lot of feminist overtones, which I loved. Mindy’s book is much lighter. I read it in one night when I couldnt fall asleep. I had a few laughs, there’s some funny pop culture and Harry Potter references, but overall I liked Tina Fey’s book better. I laughed more and harder. Still, I’d recommend this to anyone looking for a light, funny, easy reading memoir.

 

There But For The I am not sure where I heard about this book but it sounded interesting so I checked it out from the library. A guy locks himself in the guest room at a party thrown by some people he doesnt really know. The book is broken into 3 sections, each from the point of view of someone else who was at the party, or who knows the man in some way. I wouldn’t say this was the best book of the year (or the month, really), but it had some interesting parts. The last section, from the point of view of a 12 year old, was really good, and it was interesting what happened as a result of the man being locked in the room, but I think the ending was kind of a letdown. Recommended to anyone looking for something off-beat with quirky language and word play (that was the most interesting part of the book for me.)

 

The Third Reich I only heard of Roberto Bolano when he died recently. He was spoken of quite highly so I decided to check him out. This book follows a German couple on vacation in Spain. The guy is involved in a war game/Risk type thing, he’s like a professional at it. I liked the writing style because it was very dramatic and spooky, always hinting weirdly that terrible things were just around the corner, or were happening at the edges where they couldnt quite be seen. I did like this book, but I think there was a lot I didnt grasp, so I should probably read it again someday. But I am interested in this writer and would read more. Recommended for someone looking to read a South American writer who likes dark and subtle mystery.

 

Virgil and Beatrice  Oh, this book! I loved it so much. I     remember really liking Life of Pi, and the way something at  the end changes and makes the whole book look different. That kind of happens in this book too, though not exactly. This was also a quick read, and is fairly short. It is the story of a writer and his relationship with a man who requests his help in writing a play. The play itself is show, in parts, throughout the book, and it reminded me a lot of Waiting for Godot, which is probably significant somehow. The writing is interesting and descriptive, and I liked the main character. I also cried at the very end, which is something I rarely do when reading. I would definitely read this many times, and I think it’s the kind of book where something is gained each time. Recommended to everyone! Especially if you are looking for a quicker read that is still quite deep and lasting.

 

 

 

So, those were the books I read in January. I guess I had more time than usual on my hands, plus a lot of them were quick reads. What did you read that was good this month??

The Bachelor: Most Dramatic Baseball Game in Bachelor History

This week Ben takes the ladies to Puerto Rrrrrriiiiccco! Remember when this show stayed in the mansion the whole season, and then went somewhere cool with just the last three ladies? Oh how times have changed. Now even people whose names I dont know by week five get to go on magical adventures. I think this causes way too many people to fall in love with Ben.

Chris explains that “the ladies” will all get to see Ben this week. Yay? He does this while wearing a ring on his right-hand pointer finger. I couldnt get a screen shot of it, but it was pretty weird looking.

A gal named Nikki gets the first date. SHe is already really obsessed with Ben so this date should be good. She’s excited

I get to meet the man I am already in love with?!

So is everyone else:

Srsly?

So Ben and Nikki meet up for their date, and you’ll never guess how they get to their destination, which was probably like a 15 minute care ride away.

I feel like Ben's having a hard time keeping his enthusiasm level up for something he uses more than a car now.

During their date, it starts to down pour. I think it’s rained on every episode, and every time Ben acts like it is a miracle that he has met a girl that just rolls with it, and doesnt freak out and die that it is raining. Ben, listen up. Most girls probably wouldnt care that its raining. Also, all these girls are on their best behavior around you so they know they have to at least act cool. Stop being so surprised.

Anyway, they buy each other new clothes, and this at least explains that giant handkerchief dress we saw in the previews. Ben says he feel like he has some Latin swagger now.

Livin la vida loca

I have to respectfully disagree

So easy even a caveman could do it

The rest of their date (aside from the part were they spy on a wedding) is them sitting on a round bench and Nikki talks and talks and talks about her divorce, while Ben nods and nods and nods. Ultimately, she is rewarded for her story, and Ben gives her a rose. And she accepts it, even though Ben decided to wear a henley and UNDONE SUSPENDERS on the part of their date where he didnt have to buy his clothes from a street vendor.

Interesting choice

Group date! At a baseball field. Sorry, baseball “diamond.” All the ladies have fun, but I think it’s mostly because there are other men there, and they are in uniforms.

Which one would you compete for?

The date consists of lunges, drills, and a competition baseball game to win time with Ben. The game is meant to go two innings but the girls use up what I assume is a large portion of the time that they would be spending with Ben. It is somehow even more boring than real baseball. Ultimately, the Red Team wins. THe blue team is angry and crying even though we all know there’s no crying in baseball.

Well, most of us know that.

Some of us know that?

And you will never guess what mode of transportation the winners take to get to their superspecial second half of the date (which Ben compared to winning the World Series). Yep, you guessed it!

Recumbent Bikes!

Just kidding, it was a helicopter.

What a twist!

They sit on a couch on the beach and it’s pretty lame. Kaci gets the rose and Courtney tells Ben she went swimming in the ocean “the other night” (When? when they were in utah?) and she couldnt stop thinking of him. She wishes they could go skinny dipping! But alas…. Way to plant the seed Courtney. Girl is good.

The last date is with Elise, who is from Chicago and you can really tell. That accent! Ah, makes me miss home. She also has severe eye makeup and dark hair, which is also a very Chicago look, a specific type of Chicago girl. I’d guess she likes the Sox over the Cubs. Anyhow, they actually DONT take a ‘copter, but rather a “mega yacht” (which they eventually jump off of…. gotta have that “leap of faith”).

Wow! Ben is really taking the yacht lifestyle to the extreme. Fanciest outfit yet!

But... in his excitement to be fancy, he forgets to brush his hair.

Elise seems to be digging herself into a hole. Saying that she’s sick of being single. Red alert. Ben’s going to think he’s not special!! You have to be willing to spend your whole life alone if you don’t get to be with him, and him alone. Then she says it’s been annoying to see other girls go on one on ones. Remember what happened to the last girl who said that….

Engaged!

Just kidding. He dumps her and sends her packing, alone on a dark boat in international waters. She doesnt understand what she did wrong.

Whyyyy?

She cries way too muh for someone she has been on one date with, and Ben wanders the shore in super short tuxedo pants. Wow, what a waste of his best outfit! On another note, I really want the job of the guy who wordlessly retrieves the dumped girl’s suitcase from the house and gets to totally ignore all the other girls shouts of disbelief.

Courtney’s idiotic response is “maybe she drank too much and the Jersey Shore came out.”…. Except Elise is from Chicago so that seems unlikely. Courtney really is the worst!

Aaaand here’s another example of why. She sneaks off to Ben’s room with wine and a bathrobe. She guesses that Ben has probably never gone skinny dipping with a model before. Barf.

I call this look Blue Steel

Stalker?! I prefer the term "enthusiastic surprise visitor"

Ben claims he doesnt know how he feels about Courtney breaking the rules, but I’m guess he feels pretty great about it. Afterall, this reaffirms how special he is! Plus, Courtney is a model, so her affections clearly mean more than anyone else’s. Let’s see how he reacts to her pathetic rebellion.

I think this clears up how he's feeling.

Yikes. That was pretty scandalous for this show. Pressed up against each other, naked, no where near being in the top three…. I wonder if the had relations. Might as well have. So, that happened. And now it’s time for the cocktail party. I hope the girls find out about the night before, and freak out! What would be really great would be if the girls find out and are mad at Ben too, not just Courtney. But that’s asking a lot. Ben feels crappy about what happened. Haha. I really hope Courtney doesnt win.

At the cocktail party: Ben kisses everyone, Courtney gets waaay too much screen time. Did I miss something? Is this called “The Courtney Show”? She gets more interviews than Ben! Courtney brings up skinny dipping with the women, because she is a sociopath. Emily tells Ben she won’t talk about Courtney again, and the she spends a bunch of time talking about Courtney. Good job. Ben= not happy. That’s his hoe you talkin’ about! He tells her to tread lightly. Eeek. Emily is too smart for the show, that’s why she’s frustrated. Get out! Seriously, get out while you still can. Not worth it.

So, he sends home Jennifer, a very sweet ginger who last week he made climb over a rusty cage for him. Jerk! I am sort of suprised he sent her home. She cry-hiccups for a long time.

I knew I should have told him I was a model

But really, all this means is that she won’t eventually catch whatever STD Courtney just gave Ben in their nude ocean adventure. So buck up, sister.

That concluded the Puerto Rican leg of our journey. Next week something really sad happens to someone, and they go to Panama. Just say ahhhhh, Pan-a-maaaaa.

Discuss!